- The Fable of the Visitor Who Got a Lot for Three Dollars
- The Fable of the Slim Girl Who Tried to Keep a Date that was Never Made
- The Fable of the New York Person Who Gave the Stage Fright to Fostoria, Ohio
- The Fable of the Kid Who Shifted His Ideal
- The Fable of the Base Ball Fan Who Took the Only Known Cure
- The Fable of the Good Fairy with the Lorgnette, and why She Got It Good
- The Fable of the Unintentional Heroes of Centreville
- The Fable of the Parents Who Tinkered with the Offspring
- The Fable of How He Never Touched George
- The Fable of the Preacher Who Flew His Kite, but not Because He Wished to Do So
- The Fable of Handsome Jethro, Who was Simply Cut Out to be a Merchant
- The Fable of Paducah’s Favorite Comedians and the Mildewed Stunt
- The Fable of Flora and Adolph and a Home Gone Wrong
- The Fable of the Copper and the Jovial Undergrads
- The Fable of the Professor Who Wanted to be Alone
- The Fable of a Statesman Who Couldn’t Make Good
- The Fable of the Brash Drummer and the Peach Who Learned that There Were Others
- The Fable of Sister Mae, Who Did as Well as Could Be Expected
- The Fable of How the Fool-Killer Backed Out of a Contract
- The Fable of the Caddy Who Hurt His Head while Thinking
- The Fable of the Martyr Who Liked the Job
- The Fable of the Bohemian Who had Hard Luck
- The Fable of the Coming Champion Who was Delayed
- The Fable of the Lawyer Who Brought in a Minority Report
- The Fable of the Two Mandolin Players and the Willing Performer
- The Fable of the Man Who Didn’t Care for Story-Books
Arabic Chinese (Simplified) Dutch English French German Hindi Italian Portuguese Russian Spanish
Once upon a Time there was a Brilliant but Unappreciated Chap who was such a Thorough Bohemian that Strangers usually mistook him for a Tramp.
Would he brush his Clothes? Not he. When he wore a Collar he was Ashamed of himself. He had Pipe-Ashes on his Coat and Vest. He seldom Combed his Hair, and never Shaved.
Every Evening he ate an Imitation Dinner, at a forty-cent Table d’Hôte, with a Bottle of Writing Fluid thrown in. He had formed a little Salon of Geniuses, who also were out of Work, and they loved to Loll around on their Shoulder-Blades and Laugh Bitterly at the World.
The main Bohemian was an Author. After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity. Posterity hadn’t heard anything about it, and couldn’t get out an Injunction.
He knew his Works were good, because all the Free and Untrammeled Souls in the Spaghetti Joint told him so. He would read them a Little Thing of his Own about Wandering in the Fields with Lesbia, and then he would turn to a Friend, whose Face was all covered with Human Ivy, and ask him, point blank: “Is it, or is it not, Better than the Dooley Stuff?”
“There is no Comparison,” would be the Reply, coming through the Foliage.
Wandering in the Fields with Lesbia! Lesbia would have done Well. If he had Wandered in the Fields at any Time he would have been Pinched on Suspicion that he was out for Turnips.
The sure-enough Bohemian was a Scathing Critic. If Brander Matthews only knew some of the Things said about him, there would be Tear Marks on his Pillow. And Howells, too. Bah! My, but he was Caustic.
The way he burned up Magazine Writers, it’s a Wonder they didn’t get after him for Arson.
One day, while standing on the Front Stoop at his Boarding House, trying to think of some one who would submit to a Touch, a Flower Pot fell from a Window Ledge above him, and hit him on the Head. He was put into an Ambulance and taken to a Hospital, where the Surgeons clipped his Hair short, in order to take Three Stitches. While he was still Unconscious, and therefore unable to Resist, they Scrubbed him with Castile Soap, gave him a good Shave, and put him into a snowy-white Gown.
His Friends heard of the Accident, and went to the Hospital to offer Condolence. When they found him he was so Clean and Commonplace that they lost all Respect for him.
Moral: Get a good Make-Up and the Part plays itself.
The Fable of the Bohemian Who had Hard Luck – Fables in Slang