- The Fable of the Visitor Who Got a Lot for Three Dollars
- The Fable of the Slim Girl Who Tried to Keep a Date that was Never Made
- The Fable of the New York Person Who Gave the Stage Fright to Fostoria, Ohio
- The Fable of the Kid Who Shifted His Ideal
- The Fable of the Base Ball Fan Who Took the Only Known Cure
- The Fable of the Good Fairy with the Lorgnette, and why She Got It Good
- The Fable of the Unintentional Heroes of Centreville
- The Fable of the Parents Who Tinkered with the Offspring
- The Fable of How He Never Touched George
- The Fable of the Preacher Who Flew His Kite, but not Because He Wished to Do So
- The Fable of Handsome Jethro, Who was Simply Cut Out to be a Merchant
- The Fable of Paducah’s Favorite Comedians and the Mildewed Stunt
- The Fable of Flora and Adolph and a Home Gone Wrong
- The Fable of the Copper and the Jovial Undergrads
- The Fable of the Professor Who Wanted to be Alone
- The Fable of a Statesman Who Couldn’t Make Good
- The Fable of the Brash Drummer and the Peach Who Learned that There Were Others
- The Fable of Sister Mae, Who Did as Well as Could Be Expected
- The Fable of How the Fool-Killer Backed Out of a Contract
- The Fable of the Caddy Who Hurt His Head while Thinking
- The Fable of the Martyr Who Liked the Job
- The Fable of the Bohemian Who had Hard Luck
- The Fable of the Coming Champion Who was Delayed
- The Fable of the Lawyer Who Brought in a Minority Report
- The Fable of the Two Mandolin Players and the Willing Performer
- The Fable of the Man Who Didn’t Care for Story-Books
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One Night three Well-Bred Young Men, who were entertained at the Best Houses wherever they went, started out to Wreck a College town.
They licked two Hackmen, set fire to an Awning, pulled down many Signs, and sent a Brick through the Front Window of a Tailor Shop. All the Residents of the Town went into their Houses and locked the Doors; Terror brooded over the Community.
A Copper heard the Racket, and saw Women and Children fleeing to Places of Safety, so he gripped his Club and ran Ponderously, overtaking the three Well-Bred Young Men in a dark part of the Street, where they were Engaged in tearing down a Fence.
He could not see them Distinctly, and he made the Mistake of assuming that they were Drunken Ruffians from the Iron Foundry. So he spoke harshly, and told them to Leave Off breaking the Man’s Fence. His Tone and Manner irritated the University Men, who were not accustomed to Rudeness from Menials.
One Student, who wore a Sweater, and whose people butt into the Society Column with Sickening Regularity, started to Tackle Low; he had Bushy Hair and a Thick Neck, and his strong Specialty was to swing on Policemen and Cabbies.
At this, his Companion, whose Great Grandmother had been one of the eight thousand Close Relatives of John Randolph, asked him not to Kill the Policeman. He said the Fellow had made a Mistake, that was all; they were not Muckers; they were Nice Boys, intent on preserving the Traditions of dear old Alma Mater.
The Copper could hardly Believe it until they led him to a Street Lamp, and showed him their Engraved Cards and Junior Society Badges; then he Realized that they were All Right. The third Well-Bred Young Man, whose Male Parent got his Coin by wrecking a Building Association in Chicago, then announced that they were Gentlemen, and could Pay for everything they broke. Thus it will be seen that they were Rollicking College Boys and not Common Rowdies.
The Copper, perceiving that he had come very near getting Gay with our First Families, Apologized for Cutting In. The Well-Bred Young Men forgave him, and then took his Club away from him, just to Demonstrate that there were no Hard Feelings. On the way back to the Seat of Learning they captured a Night Watchman, and put him down a Man-Hole.
Moral: Always select the Right Sort of Parents before you start in to be Rough.
The Fable of the Copper and the Jovial Undergrads – Fables in Slang